Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
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Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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