I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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