i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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