Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
