Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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