just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
