so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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