i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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