shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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