you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
