i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
