I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
