my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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