Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize