a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
