I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
