had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
