is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Please, let me fuck your mom
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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