What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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