we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
