somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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