I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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