I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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