nut hugger
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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