i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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