thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
