Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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