I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
