We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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