The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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