Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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