And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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