More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you never un-have a 4some
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
