garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
