His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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