She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
