I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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