since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
