In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
