i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.