i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
