I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?