I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much