I feel like I'm in dance class right now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...