her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me