the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
