I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
