my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
