oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
