I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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