in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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