summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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