Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
