no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
