Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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