I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
