ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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