That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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