I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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