I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
