hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
