You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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