I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
