Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize