I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
