I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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