Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
