I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
