I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize