R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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